3 Ways To Exude Confidence to Women

fancy couple dancing dip

WRITTEN BY GARY GUNN MARCH 21, 2014

With pua inner game we are really entering into the realm of psychology, so how can you truly feel better about yourself.  Pua inner game is not about finding a short term fix either, like when you learn a new technique that gives you confidence with women for short periods of time for example.

I mean peeling back the layers of insecurity and false bravado that you have subconsciously learned, and really and truly feeling at one with yourself.  To have the ability to walk up to women and exude such a confidence that you do not need pua techniques, pua routines or really any form of strategy.

From my experience of working in the pua industry, I have realised that one of the major ways to feel more comfortable with yourself is to work towards attaining certain virtues that you wish to possess; it is these qualities that in the end will make you who you are as a man.

I shall give some examples now of virtues which if you possessed would make you far more alluring to women:

Pua inner game virtue #1: Temperance to not react.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. Benjamin Franklin

The basis of having this desirable quality is that you do not let outside circumstances influence your inner core, so how you feel about yourself.

This virtue is quite possibly the most attractive quality in a man. When you meet women and circumstances arise that would normally trigger an emotional reaction in you; instead if you strive to achieve temperance, namely present yourself as calm and collected and deal with the issue without emotional attachment, then women will instantly be drawn to you, this is far stronger than any pua conversation.

Temperance sub-communicates so many attractive qualities to women. Indeed you’ll find that if you are able to deal with any emotional drama without becoming involved, it will also stand you in healthy emotional grounding in all areas of your life and not solely in meeting women.

Pua inner game virtue #2: Order for clarity.

In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision. Dalai Lama

The real meaning of this virtue is to have your life organised and for every aspect of your life to have its own time to flourish.  This involves strategic planning so that you can plan your week to achieve the maximum benefit from the time that you have.

With pua training, the first step to achieving more order in your life is to decide how you would like to shape your future, so a few examples would be:

What kind of work would you like to do?

Where would you like to live?

Where would you like to travel?

How much time would you like to give to exercise?

Once you have set yourself specific goals of what you would like to achieve you can then look at the steps involved and plan your days, weeks, and months accordingly.

Adopting this pua inner game outlook will be highly alluring to women. The fact that you are willing to set yourself a goal with a strict time limit (this helps you achieve your goal), conveys so many positive attributes about yourself as a man, and you’ll find that during natural conversation women will be intrigued with your self-discipline.

Pua inner game virtue #3: Silence as authority.

Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.” Leonardo da Vinci

Right now in this moment if you were going to speak to a lady who you deem attractive, is your pua inner game strong enough that you are comfortable with a silence during the conversation, or even a prolonged silence between words?

To put this into perspective, if you listen to the best story tellers of modern society you will notice the amount of pauses they have during their stories.  These pauses convey control, knowledge and confidence.  The story teller does not feel the need to simply bellow out the information; instead they are cool, calm and collected. They know they have value and, as such, recognise silence as the positive feature that it is.

Pua inner game action point: You can use silence as a way of initially finding out how strong your inner game is when you are talking to women. Simply try to pause between conversation threads or even emphasise certain words and see how confident you really feel.

If you want to attract more women into your life the come to one of our Pua training bootcamps.

Written byGary Gunn
Based in the UK, Gary Gunn is a professional dating coach with over half a decade’s worth of experience specialising in helping both men and women find long term partners through his online coaching, live training and modern dating strategies.

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How To Be A Charming Natural With Women

sit together cuddleDuring a pua conversation with women your main aim is to be charming and alluring to her, and in my experience the best way to maximize your appeal is to converse with a good assuming manner.

If you are respectful with your beliefs and more so with a lady’s opinions, then you will not lessen your power as a man. On the contrary, you will avoid generating negative thoughts on her side during the interaction.

Pua conversation #1: Converse with humbleness.

I have found that when you wish to offer your opinion on a topic to a woman, rather than being definitive (which could lead to instant opposition), you are far better to frame the pua conversation like it’s the way that you view the world, rather than it being a fact.

So, an example would be if you disagree with a woman’s perspective on a restaurant, instead of simply saying definitively:

 “I hate that restaurant.”

If she loves the restaurant, or even if she likes the food, she is going to feel an instant resistance to what you have said and this will bring up some form of opposition to what you are saying.

A different approach is to take on a more assuming pua conversation manner with something like:

“In my experience the service could be much better.”

This is a much more modest way of putting your point across as you are not being definitive; you are merely speaking with your life experience so far to date. In effect, this humble attitude even conveys that your opinion is able to change dependent on other new future experiences. Perhaps you could even go together, if she insists on showing you, Pua text game works on exactly the same principle.

Here are more examples of some pua conversation humblers:

“I conceive it to be like this … “

 “It appears to me … “

“I should think it so or so for such and such reasons … “

“I imagine it to be so … “

“It is so if I am not mistaken … “

“It appears to me at present … “

“From my frame of reference it seems like this … “

If you state your opinion to a woman in a blunt and forceful way then you run the risk of creating conflict, and possibly even a feeling of defensiveness which is likely to cut short any interaction.

Pua conversation #2: Charm with intelligence.

All of these pua conversation ideas are not limited to only speaking with women, and this one in particular will improve your interactions with all people you meet throughout your day.

One example of this is that during your day to day life you are likely to encounter men and women who have a differing opinion to you on a specific topic.  There may even be times when you know unquestionably that you are correct and instantly feel the need to point out their error and, dependent on how you handle this situation, it could create an issue.

The difficulty can arise that by instantly putting across your opinion you are likely to bring up a direct resistance from the person you are conversing with as, in essence, you are attacking their ego and this is one sure way of igniting their annoyance.

What I have found is that a better way of putting your point across is to begin with circumstances where their point may be correct, but then point out the differences in the scenario that you are discussing.

So a simple example would be:

“I completely agree with you and, in fact, during this set of circumstances I can see how that’s true; however, in this situation, is this not slightly different?”

The real key here is that you are acknowledging that they are in fact correct which validates what they are saying and will make them far more comfortable and at ease. Then you point out a slight difference in the set of circumstances which they may have missed.  This then allows their pride to remain intact whilst they are informed in their error of thinking, this is a very advanced pua training tip.

Pua conversation #3: Listen without analysis.

It has become apparent to me that a pua conversation trap that many men fall into is their lack of ability to be fully present when they are in dialogue with women.

A simple exercise that you can do immediately that will make you more aware of how much focus you have on a woman’s spoken word is to look at what filters you are putting a her words through before you actually hear the words that she is speaking.

So let’s say for example that a woman verbalises 1000 words to you and those words go through your filters of:

“I’m thinking about what to say next.” (20% of my attention)

“I’m looking for something in common.” (15% of my attention)

“I’m anxious that she’s going to get bored and go away.” (15% of my attention)

“Is she giving me signs that she likes me?” (10% of my attention)

All of a sudden 60% of your attention is not on what the woman is saying to you as it is lost through your filters, so you hear a grand total of 400 of her words. How much better do you think you would be able to communicate if you were able to listen to 20% more of her spoken words?!?!

Action point: Write down what filters you have when you are speaking to women and see which ones you can reduce slightly or even remove over time. The key isn’t to get to 100% of her words straight away, but you’ll find that any small increase will help your pua conversation with women.

To learn how to attract more women into your life then come to one of our Pua training weekends.

Written byGary GunnBased in the UK, Gary Gunn is a professional dating coach with over half a decade’s worth of experience specialising in helping both men and women find long term partners through his online coaching, live training and modern dating strategies.

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Why You Might Suck At First Dates

Restaurant date

What is a great first date idea?

Knowing where to go on a first date can literally be make or break your long term dating potential.  If the date turns out to be boring or generic then the chances are that the relationship is going to get off on the wrong foot before it even begins.

So let’s start with the worst first date ideas:

Going to the cinema – This may be surprising to many but the cinema is actually a terrible first date as it involves sitting down in a silent environment without any interaction with one another.  This conveys a complete lack of planning and is also a sign that you are not used to dating as you’re aiming for minimal conversation.  Never go to the cinema on a first date, instead save this for a later date!!!

Going out for dinner – Dinner has got to be the worst first date possible.  You have to sit opposite someone and eat in front of them when you’re probably not feeling that comfortable.  The attention is on both of you which can put a huge strain on the conversation.  What do you talk about? How do you keep the conversation flowing? The likelihood is that it could end up feeling like an interview with random questions being posed at one another, which is hardly fun!!

Coming straight over for dinner – This is way too desperate and try hard but, believe me, many people still suggest this for a first date.  They can’t comprehend that dating is a process and should be full of many different fun interactions before your date has the opportunity of seeing where you live. It’s also good to keep an air of mystery and hold back showing them your place until you know each other better.

Going for a drink/coffee – This shows no imagination whatsoever and will not help kick start the potential dating process off in the best way possible.  It’s ok to go for a coffee or a drink but only whilst you are on a date! DO NOT make going for a drink the actual date itself!!

Good ideas for first dates

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination. Albert Einstein

Never has a truer word been spoken, particularly in reference to first dates.  Ideally you want to do something imaginative and significantly, something that will also take the pressure off the interaction between both of you.  This way you can enjoy each other’s company whilst also doing something fun.

Here are a few great examples of where to go on a first date:

Existing event – The key here is to have an interesting lifestyle where you are already going to different events on a frequent basis such as a food festival, a live music gig etc.  You can then invite your potential date along as you are already going; this takes the pressure off the date and makes it much more fun for them to come along with you. Crucially you’ll find that it also makes it easier for them to have  more confidence to say yes.

Shopping – You need to buy a new pair of shoes for a job interview, or a new shirt etc.  The important point here is that you need their opinion on something that you are going to buy; this will give them a purpose and a reason as to why they should come with you.

Mini dating – So meeting them for shopping and then grabbing a coffee, perhaps even being more spontaneous and saying look there’s a bowling ally lets go have a quick game.  The intention is to have several mini (and different) fun interactions which will result in speeding up the connection building process of the first date.

In short, when you are actively going on first dates you need to try and take the pressure off the interaction between you and your date.

The idea here is that the pressure is minimised if you are doing something actively together. As an example there’s a Jamie Oliver restaurant near my house where head chefs host classes in how to cook specific meals… what a great first date as it’s interactive and it’s a fun evening based around great food.

Written byGary GunnBased in the UK, Gary Gunn is a professional dating coach with over half a decade’s worth of experience specialising in helping both men and women find long term partners through his online coaching, live training and modern dating strategies.

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How To Get A Date Online

get a date online

How to Get A Date Online

By Gary Gunn

Sure, it’s only natural that when you meet someone online you will inevitably take their phone number, start texting them with the intention of organising to meet up.

Here lies a problem … not only are you killing the mystery of anticipation of meeting that person for the first time, but you are also wasting a lot of your time on someone who, until you meet in person, may not be attractive to you.

With online dating being so widespread nowadays with so many different options we are now advising our clients to go straight from email to a real life date.

So here are my 5 easy steps to organising a real life date online:

How to get a date online #1: First email

In your first email you need to convey that you are attractive and that you like a part of their profile (which isn’t their photo).  You also need to give them an easy opportunity to email you back so welcome to one of the email templates known as FLQ – or “flirt, like, questions”.

It’s pretty well what it says on the tin. You flirt with them first, then you like something about their profile and then you ask them a question. Here is an example of an email using this formula sent to a man whose online dating profile was about adventure and travelling:

Hey, I’m Louise,

I love what you’ve written … not sure I love the passport photos though! (Flirt part)

Honestly, I was amazed by your adventures in India.  That’s a place I’ve always wanted to go to myself. (Like part)

So tell me something … India has been ticked off your check list, so where’s next and why? (Question part)

How to get a date online #2: Second email

Once you receive a reply to your initial email they are conveying that they are also interested in you which is a clear enough go ahead signal to organise a date. Your second email should reply to any questions that they have asked but it also say that you are busy and don’t check in online often. Try and say something along the lines of “I’m doing this …… come along and meet me”.

Once they reply and agree to the date then you can ask for their number just in case you are running late etc. Simply text them your name and don’t get embroiled in a texting conversation, and this will maintain your air of mystery.

How to get a date online #3: If they don’t reply to your first email

If you have sent an email to someone that you like and they haven’t replied then I would suggest either focusing your attention elsewhere or you can send one more email just in case, for whatever reason, they weren’t in a position to reply to your first email.

Email them again one more time a week later, but just with a simple flirting email rather than using the 3 step email formula, and this can be anything in the profile such as a weird photo or a spelling mistake etc – the key here is to flirt more than the initial email.

How to get a date online #4: Where to go on a date

Mini dating is the modern way to date, gone are the days of romancing an online date by taking her out for dinner before you have even met her. The key to an effective first date is to make the date interactive, so do not just sit opposite them having a coffee as this is bound to turn in to an interview type scenario, Instead try and do something together. For example, say you need a new shirt for work and you want a female/male opinion so why don’t they come along to help.

Dating this way takes away a lot of the social anxieties about meeting someone online and it also serves to keep the attention on whatever you choose to do together, rather than on the strain of the conversation which alleviates any awkward silences etc.

How to get a date online #5: Body language on the date

Just a few quick tips on how to maximise your body language when you first meet someone in person. Firstly, make sure that you smile when you first meet them and also hold their eye contact.

Other than that remember this is a first date from online dating so you don’t need to worry about when to touch them etc. Instead relax and just get to know them to see if there is any real life chemistry.

Top tip: Even if there is no chemistry but you feel you could make a new friend then remember they may have other single friends who may be a better fit for you and, similarly, you could introduce him or her to any of your single friends. Really, the key here is to always be offering value.

Written by Gary Gunn Based in the UK, Gary Gunn is a professional dating coach with over half a decade’s worth of experience specializing in helping both men and women find long term partners through his online coaching, live training and modern dating strategies.

Follow Me:
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to contact Gary direct email
or call