Having a Fling Online

Relationships that start online are streaming in at an all time high.  Even though they’re stigmatized, marginalized and criticized, online dating is bringing in some serious relationship conversions. A study from 2013 published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, put the percentage of married couples that now meet online at almost 35%.   Together with the revolution of life gamification and instant gratification mobile dating, dating habits  have changed; restaurant dates are replaced by exchanging Instagram handles. Now as singles in society its not if you’re online dating is which sites are you onThus, totally new rules of the dating game apply as the stigma falls away. So lets dive in.

  1.  Be sincere in your profile. You’ll meet in person at some point and you don’t want to show up and shock your partner. This is when ” Oh shoot , I have a thing at a place. I’m so sorry I forgot I’ve really gotta go.”  happens.
  2. Don’t try to break the rules on dating sites wither; they’re there for a reason . Whether that’s preventing catfish, spammers, solicitation or simply so users aren’t getting #dicpics every other message .
  3. Pick some people you want to talk to, but not too many. Trust your instincts, since it is pretty hard to make a total impression of a person you don’t see IRL. If you have some doubts, stop and find other profiles. There’s a Fling for all!
  4. The  online environment isn’t always safe; sometimes people leak through the system. Initial dates or meet ups shouldn’t be at at his/her house or in other obscure places. Safety first kids. Choose a bowling alley over a back alley (obvi).
  5. Be upfront : It is important to let people know what you want, whether its having a casual fling online, a more serious relationship, or even when you don’t really know what you want
  6. Respect your principles and you will avoid problems. Don’t like working out? Don’t talk to a gym rat. Don’t like to party ? Don’t try to date a club promoter. You’ll both be miserable ( see my post Just Be Yourself if you’re having trouble with this)
  7. When going on the actual date, make sure you look nice. After talking online you will both be even more nervous and insecure about the situation. When you know you look good you’re going to come across more confident. Its better to show up looking better then expected then worse… how awkward.
  8. Men, more than women, are visual. Based on that, they establish their attraction in the first few seconds of seeing you. You might be tempted to post an older picture of yourself, when you were thinner and prettier, but this is wrong. Women will give it a bit more time by evaluating a mans style, posture, and confidence levels as well. So men- make sure your well dressed.
  9. Profile Pics: Women and Men differ in what they want to see on your profile pics.  Clear photos that reveal your whole body are ideal for men they want face shot and body shot, otherwise people might think you are hiding something.  Women like to make a lifestyle assessment through photos. Men do best with pics of them doing something , with their cars, at events and with groups of friends. ** do not make your main profile pic a photo with multiple people its confusing as to who you are and people want to make a quick assessment** I can’t count the number of times I come across profiles where a guy has no pics of just him and you cant tell which one he is. In this situation we automatically assume you are the ugly one. This goes for girls too. Photos of touristic attractions, animals and kids have no place on dating sites thats why your have a Facebook, IG, Twitter etc. If you aren’t in it, it shouldn’t be in your profile.
  10. Your nickname says a lot, so pick a good one… sexibunnie69 tells quite a story in 0.2 seconds.
  11. Do not write novels about yourself. Ever heard of KISS? Keep it simple, stupid.   Keep information simple and funny. Do not write ‘I’m like this and like that’, but things that make people draw that conclusion. Make your hobby section attractive. ‘Doing flower arrangements’ will be uninteresting for men a better word is “crafts” or “home decor projects” , likewise ‘drinking beer’ will be repulsing for girls who like a guy with any sort of life ambition. You might as well have written “make me a sandwich”  and “please wash the pizza stains from my sweatpants”  It is better to think of activities you would like to do with a new partner.
  12. Be prompt online. We’re in an age of instant gratification and availability. If someone writes to you, write back and don’t wait for days to respond. If that’s a problem for you download the site’s app. If it doesn’t have an app you should probably pick a better site.  Unless you decide to act, that person will find someone else its as easy as clicking search my zip code ,  see next message, double tapping, or swiping right.
  13. You don’t have to be available all the time though. Keep your independence and stay busy. Messaging every 5 minutes is great in the first hour but after that wheres the challenge and courtship?
  14. Don’t use too many emoticons in your messages , unless you’re the modern Jackson Polluck of emoji abstract expressionism . Seriously, ” sup sxy how r u doin? wuz good tn?xoxo ;);):)”? Did you really think that was going to go well…
  15. All in all, profit from the advantages of online dating. If a face-to-face conversation isn’t really chillin in your comfort zone online flirting allows you to analyze your messages before sending. As a control freak, and writer, I compulsively screen incoming calls only to hit people up 10 mins later with a text that says ” Hey sorry I missed your call, was in a meeting whats up?” Full Disclosure Moment: my “meeting” was with Piper Chapman…  Ben, Jerry, and Yoga Pants were there too. 
  16. Don’t say something that is misinterpreted, unless you’re Rico Suave of innuendo, and take all nuances into account. Because you have more time to formulate answers, the chances of creating a powerful bond increase.
  17. Punctuation is key. Here’s  an example gone wrong from real life experience.

Jill: ” Oh I didn’t know you were still on the dating scene”

Jack:”Im not just seeing you.”

is a LOT different than

 

Jill: ” Oh I didn’t know you were still on the dating scene”

Jack: “Im not. Just seeing you”

17. I think this also falls under Don’t Have Important Conversations Via SMS.

 

Its something to sink your teeth into so chew on it and leave your own tips in the comments or by tweeting me @jessicakohlfit.

 

 

5 Tricks to Get Her in the Mood With Even Touching

turn her onHopefully you’re at the point with a girl where you’re not simply praying she goes out on a second date with you. Your work is still not done, however. Keeping a girl in the mood is a battle as constant as regularly flossing. It’s no chore, however. The more creative you are, the more of a challenge it will be — and the more interesting it will be.

Start Flirting Early

There’s nothing worse than a last minute attempt to jump into a girl’s pants at the end of a date. Anyone worth doing is worth doing right, so put in the time and start early. Flirt with her via text while she’s at work. Keep up the momentum with subtle contact throughout the night, such as slipping your hand into her back pocket as you walk along. Give her a light squeeze and a smile every so often to remind her you want her.

 

Location, Location, Location

Pimping out your atmosphere is one of the most effective ways to turn her on. It doesn’t have to be as cliché as incense and rose petals on the bedspread, but don’t underestimate the power of a little ‘Fling’ Shui. Try relaxing the setting with something a little more original, such as running through the sexiest selections in your record collection together. Don’t forget the subdued lighting: a soft pink glow hides many a flaw…and inhibition.

Boost Her Self-Confidence

Don’t talk about other girls you think are hot all night, just keep the focus on her, and how much you want her in less than obvious ways. Go gaga over how cute her toes are, or long her neck is. Compliment her intelligence and wit, with subtlety: “You know I don’t think I know one single person who would ‘get’ that joke…”  She will gain self-confidence and admire you in return, which will go a long way later when you’re taking her clothes off.

Dominance

Women generally want a man to take control — just don’t take it too far. You don’t want to get rape-y or forceful, just use your natural advantages to dominate her. When the date is winding down, say as a matter of fact that she’s staying at your place tonight. When she gets all coy and protests, stop her and maintain eye contact until she gives in.

Liquor

When all else fails, get her buzzed. (Note that this says buzzed and not wasted.) No one wants to wake up with regret in the morning — wondering what the hell you’ve done is a major turn off.

 

Best Ways to Meet Someone in a New City

couple flirting in group settingThere are a lot of ways to meet people in a new city — take rear-ending them while confused by unfamiliar traffic patterns, for example. However, if the person you want to meet wouldn’t be intermittently screaming obscenities at you and phoning everyone from their insurance company to the National Guard, there are a few ways take an active role in meeting new people in your new city.

Facebook

Although Facebook was designed to connect people who already know each other, and blindly ‘friending’ people will get you blocked from using the software, the platform can be quite useful in meeting new people. It might feel a little stalker-ish, but if you have even one or two friends in your new town, stroll through their friend list and, when you come across someone who gets you all twitterpated, ask your friend to make an introduction.

There’s An App for That

There are a slew of apps out there designed to get people together based on mutual interests, such as learning a new language, an affinity for a particular literary genre, or classic cars. MeetUp, Foursquare’s new app Swarm, Gather and PeopleHunt are just a few.

Join a Real Club

Groups in cyberspace are convenient, but don’t forget about clubs outside of the virtual world. By actually meeting people face to face, you get the instant benefit of gauging physical attraction without worrying your next date is only “Facebook Hot.”

Social Lubrication

The oldest (and arguably best) way to meet someone is at the pub. Alcohol gets people talking, just be sure not to get too buzzed or you might find yourself stung by your own beer goggles.

Get Out There

Find church or synagogue functions if you’re religious, choose the trendiest local coffeehouse if you’re bookish, or go out of your way to a busier dog park if you have a four-legged roommate. When you see someone who strikes your fancy, don’t be too shy to approach them about your new-found shared interest.

 ASK

Make an effort to ask people in stores and restaurants what people do for “fun”. Make a profile on an online dating community Fling.me and send some messages out to see if anyone has had any luck with one way or another specific to your area . Chances are you’ll find a Fling online before you even make it out the door.

5 Topics to Impress Her on a First Date

scarlett johannson

It’s often hard to come up with stuff to talk about on a first date. You don’t want to come off as too self-centered by telling her your whole life story, yet you are putting on a presentation in an attempt to sell her on why you’re the best choice for her. Subtly curate your conversation and, if all else goes well, you should be well on your way to that all-important second date. Here are 5 topics to impress her on a first date.

 

Your Charity Work

If you don’t do any charity work, then start. Even if you simply help update the Facebook page for your local animal shelter, find a few hours each month to devote to being the good guy. Even if you’re doing it just to appeal to girls, a lot of charitable organizations need all the help they can get, and who knows, you might even start to like helping others.

 

Your Investment Portfolio

This topic is tricky. Gordon Gekko’s “greed is good” mentality might work in the boardroom, but it can easily appear garish on a first date. The trick is to touch on the idea that you have several successful investments without making it seem as though you are trying to impress her with your overwhelming wealth. The best method is to pick one humble element of how you arrived at your riches, and focus on that. “It’s crazy! I had to save up like four paychecks for some Google stock in college…”

 

boys who play guitarYour Super Sexy Hobby

Danger sports such as rock climbing or kite surfing are impressive because they show that you’re bold, healthy, and full of adrenaline. Women are hard-wired to be attracted to an abundance of energy coupled with a lack of fear — signs you’re a good hunter and protector.

 

abs vs nerdYour Expertise

Intelligence is sexy, and it’s impressive to be well-versed on a topic such as 18th Century literature, string theory, classic cars, or Reagan-era politics. Just be extra careful not to come off as superior, or a pedant. She’s only going to be impressed with your knowledge on a certain topic if you possess more of it than she does, but she’s going to be largely turned off if you quiz her or make her feel stupid.

 

How Much You Love Your Family

Women are nesters by nature. They will always be impressed by how you visit your elderly grandmother every Tuesday no matter how busy you are, how you still mow your mother’s lawn every week even though she insists on paying someone to do it, or how you surprised your little sister with a trip to the Galapagos to learn about Darwin. It not only says you’re kind and empathetic, but showing her that you are focused on family tells her you’ll be good mating material.

 

Best Summer First Date Ideas

First dates are tricky, because you’re not only setting the stage for your first encounter, you’re telling your date a lot about yourself. Dinner and a movie is an old favorite, but it doesn’t show much creativity. An impressive first date idea puts you in control of the next move, because it leaves them wanting more.

 

1. Take a Winery Tourwine tasting

If you’re fortunate enough to live near a winery, book a car service to pick you and your date up, and take you back home. A quick web search can reveal many discount tour packages, and the same goes for the car service. Driving after sampling a few glasses of the vino is a big no-no, but paying for a car service shows you are both responsible and successful.

 

2. BYOB Painting Class

Hour or two hour-long classes are offered in almost every region of the country these days, and if one doesn’t exist in your area, call ahead and ask the instructor if there’s an adults-only art class where they wouldn’t mind you bringing a bottle or two. If the instructor gives you the green light, make sure you bring enough inexpensive bottles and plastic flutes for the whole class, and the instructor, to have a glass.

 

camping fire3. Go Camping

Book a campsite for a favorable time of year in advance and then invite your crush along. This one requires a bit of advance planning, however. Make sure the campsite offers amenities such as a shower and possibly even electricity. Bring along everything for a romantic rustic dinner and an evening fire. Mostly importantly: bring two tents and two sleeping bags. Presuming they’re going to sleep in your tent is rude enough to be a deal breaker.

 

4. Get Tickets for a Sporting Event

This idea works for both genders, even girls who aren’t sports fans. A girl who volunteers to get tickets to a sporting event shows she can be one of the guys. Both girls and guys will want to choose a sport such as hockey, basketball, or soccer, though. If the sparks aren’t there after 90 minutes with someone, the public setting gives you a perfect opportunity to cut and run.

 

5. Cooking Class

Men who can cook are an instant turn on, and the way to a man’s heart often really is through his stomach. Food, which ignites all of one’s senses, can always be a sexy cooking couple experience, so turn up the flames with a cooking class taught by a professional. Surf the Web for a culinary school or community college which offers a nighttime course without too much commitment.  If the date doesn’t whet your appetite by the end of the night, at least you learned a thing or two about cooking, and for that, your own appetite will thank you.

 

5 Tips For Dating Someone At Work

office romanceHaving a fling with or even dating a co-worker offers many a challenge beyond the ‘How to Score’ problem. Dating someone with whom you work presents the problem of a potential break-up and the troublesome aftermath. Don’t sell the idea short, but proceed with caution, the risks are just the beginning of great rewards.

 

1. Keep it Secret, for Now

As tempted as you are to tell your bros or girls that you’ve bagged the office hottie (or are trying to), don’t let the kitty out of the bag until you both decide it’s in your mutual best interest to do so. Don’t forget, your careers are now part of your dating equation.

 

2. Don’t Lose Them Respect

If word gets out a girl is sleeping with a co-worker, she can lose a lot of office cred, which could end up hurting her career. Guys who hunt at work could be seen as dogs by female co-workers. Make sure when you do tell the rest of the office, it’s done with decorum, not by getting caught making out in a dark restaurant booth on your lunch hours.

 

3. Take a Break

If you’re smitten with someone at work, you’ll want to spend all your time with them by, say, coinciding your smoke breaks or getting coffee when they do. But once you seal the deal and a relationship begins, slow down the inter-office interaction. They are going to have to see you all day, and all night, and you don’t want them to burn out and tire of you.

 

4. Beware the Married Co-worker

An affair is still an affair, and they are particularly easy to get into with co-workers whom you see day after day and feel comfortable with. If you’ve moved on to a physical relationship with your ‘work wife,’ or ‘work husband’ (they’re married to someone else but carrying on a relationship with you) he or she might be leading you on just to have a hot affair.

5. Getting Bossy in Bed

If an office romance has begun between you and your boss, be careful — it could be nothing more than an illicit affair in disguise. If things go bad, they will rank above you at work, and it’s possible you’ll find yourself both alone and unemployed.

5 Foods Guys Shouldn’t Order on a First Date

bad first date

Getting to second (or perhaps even first) base should mean jumping through a few flaming hoops on your first date. You’ve picked out the perfect ‘business-casual’ outfit, quaffed your hair with expensive pomade to look like you don’t try, and cleaned out your car for the first time in weeks. Don’t blow it with ignorance of a few things NOT to order on a first date:

 

For Her

The most important thing not to order is FOR her. This archaic tradition should be considered as passé as a chaperone and — luckily for most Millennials — it is. However, remnants of the habit still linger. Often guys have been to a hotspot before and try to impress their date by adamantly suggesting a particular option. Don’t forget, she’s at least a little on the defensive on a first date, she shouldn’t have to fend off your forward food propositions as well.

 

Aphrodisiacs

While oysters, figs, pomegranate, and chocolate-covered strawberries are widely regarded as sexy additions to a meal with a girl to whom you’re attracted, ordering these foods on the first date could easily be regarded as presumptuous — and therefore disrespectful. Even if you’re hoping to get some, operate as if you’re not trying to seduce her right off the bat.

 

Don’t Be a Sloppy Joe

Never mind that chicken wings and ribs mean you’re at a restaurant that’s probably not nice enough to take a girl on a first date — you’re there, and eyeing something slathered in buffalo sauce. A good rule is: Don’t order anything which requires a bib, or comes with a basket of wet wipes. If that’s generally all you eat, do a quick YouTube search on table manners before you go on your next date. If you can follow those rules with what you order (i.e. which fork to use and how), you’re in the clear.

 

Reeking Haddock

Bean-laden chili dogs aren’t the only foul that will be called on you in the dating game. If you want to get your play on, skip the garlic, oysters, shrimp, salsa and other foods that will break your breath.

 

Salad

If you appear more concerned with your own body than hers, she won’t be too keen on that second date. A guy who is too body conscious is a turn off. Ordering a dinner salad (and nothing else) also tells her you aren’t really willing to cut lose in order to have fun with her tonight. Besides, you’re going to need some protein to make it through to the wee hours.

Tips For Meeting His Parents

meeting her parentsAs much as he has to impress your parents, you need to impress his. His mother could be even more protective of her little boy as your father is of you, so bear in mind that he’s not the only one who has to break out the top hat and cane for a little obligatory performance. Keep a few major points in mind and you’re sure to leave them applauding.

 

Bring a Gift

A gift will always be appreciated. It shows you made the effort to fit into their home as a member of the family. Make sure it will be a welcome gift, though. His parents could be non-drinkers, or keep Kosher, so discuss the appropriateness of the gift with your guy in advance.

 

Don’t be a ‘Gold-Digger’

If you’re unemployed and you know you’re going to meet them in a matter of months, start doing some volunteer work in your city. The question “what do you do?” will inevitably come up. If you’re between jobs, you can at least say you’re doing some pro bono work with a youth group. And who knows, you might like the work and it could actually lead to a real job.

 

Dress Appropriately

Extreme conservatism in dress is your only option for meeting a guy’s parents. Don’t wear a lot of makeup, a skirt that falls far above the knee, or stripper pumps. A sequin halter top, Daisy Duke cut-offs and Lucite heels tell his parents one thing: their son is dating a slut.

meeting the parents what to wear

Don’t Freak Out

Be prepared if you walk in the door and his family is all over you like a pack of wolves on a wounded rabbit. Don’t get overwhelmed and become emotional: nothing looks worse than not being strong enough to hold your own. Act naturally, stay calm, and roll with the punches.

 

Bow Out Gracefully

If the situation is really stressful, make an appropriately speedy exit. Have one drink, if necessary. Do not, however, get drunk. Don’t be rude and walk out in the middle of dinner, but don’t stay too long at the party, running the risk of having one too many drinks, saying something outrageous, and ruining all your hard work.

 

Tips For Meeting Her Parents

dates parentsIf you’re serious enough about a girl to meet her parents, be serious enough to do it right: for many, especially girls, not getting along with her parents can be an instant deal-breaker, whether it’s her or her ‘rents that cause the relationship to come to a complete halt.

 

You Don’t Have a Choice, So Enjoy It

Just about every girl has a mother, or a father, some other parental figure (or even all of the above) whom you’re going to have to meet and impressive. You’ll have to satisfy their fears that you are right for her. If she has someone like this in her life, quit trying to avoid it, and jump enthusiastically into it.

 

Always Bring a Gift

It might seem archaic or cliché, but many cultures around the world actually are insulted by a suitor showing up to a first meeting empty-handed. Do some research. If her father has been clean and sober for three years, don’t show up with a bottle of wine. If her mother is allergic to everything, don’t bring flowers. A very nice inoffensive art book is always a safe choice.

 

Be Completely Objective

We can all pick our friends, but we can’t pick our parents. Cut her some slack if you’re not a fan of her fam. Keep in mind, if they don’t appeal to you, there’s a very good chance you’re not their top choice for their daughter either.

 

Daddy’s Little Girl

When it comes to whom they are dating, parents are almost always going to be more protective of a daughter than a son. Girls in general have a lot more to lose: they’re more sensitive emotionally, and there’s the chance that an unwanted pregnancy can drastically change her life. Make sure you come off as loving and responsible. No one wants some guy playing it fast and loose with their little girl.

 

Getting Along Isn’t Optional

Do every conceivable thing you can during your first meeting to be agreeable with her folks. If that means shutting up when they say something preposterous, so be it. After all, smiling and nodding doesn’t have to mean you agree with them, just that you acknowledge their opinion on the matter. If you’re unlucky and they’re racists, anti-Semites, terrorists or junkies don’t let them bait you into discussion. Deal with their outrageousness outside of their home and, later, steer your relationship with their daughter accordingly.

 i have nipples

5 Tips for Dating a Single Mom

woman kissing childFinding out a woman who has been the subject of your affection is a mom can be daunting if not overwhelming. A lot of guys experience a flight response. But likely the information will leave a guy with a desire to give it a try, however, it will also leave you with a lot of questions. Once you’ve decided to embark on this new journey with her and a kid, you’ll have a little bit of homework.

1:Do the Research
Go online and find the answers to all of those unusual questions that will inevitably pop up — no matter how guilty they make you feel. Questions about new situations are always natural, so embrace the truth. Will sex be better, worse, or more often unavailable? Will I be expected to change certain of my bad habits because I might be a bad influence on children? Can I?

2:Curb Your Stress
She is going to pick up on how you’re dealing with the fact that she has kids. If you want it to be ‘no big deal,’ then make sure it isn’t. Feigning comfort with the situation won’t fly, so ensure you spend some time settling the details in your head before you interact with her again. Remind yourself that whatever you think your day-to-day problems are, she likely has more important ones to consider.

3:Meet the Kids
Be careful about how you introduce yourself once the big day of your first meeting approaches. Showing up with toys or candy might seem disingenuous or give the appearance of trying too hard. Don’t forget that, especially with older kids, in their minds, you are trying to replacing their father — at least for their mother.

4:Embrace the Benefits
A single mom has obviously been through a challenging relationship before, and has probably learned a thing or two about traversing the male-female courting ritual. She might be less likely to start a spat over something petty, thus avoiding a three day argument. Or you may find that you couldn’t fathom getting jealous over her flirting shamelessly in a bar with other guys. Whatever the benefit to her experience in relationships is, take it to heart. Learn from her, and make sure she knows you appreciate those qualities.

5:Get Ready for Change
Whether you want to admit it or not, getting intimate with a single mom is going to affect your groove. Instant Kids means you’re going to have to end a night or two each week early because the sitter needs to leave. You’ll find yourself locking up liquor, evidence of smoking and dirty movies. At least once in a while, you’re going to have to change that spontaneous Vegas getaway to a well-planned weekend at Disney. The changes don’t have to be daunting, however. The bachelor life was never meant to last forever. So embrace the newfound inspiration to see life through a child’s — you might find you feel like a kid again.

 single mom meme