Having a Fling Online

Relationships that start online are streaming in at an all time high.  Even though they’re stigmatized, marginalized and criticized, online dating is bringing in some serious relationship conversions. A study from 2013 published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, put the percentage of married couples that now meet online at almost 35%.   Together with the revolution of life gamification and instant gratification mobile dating, dating habits  have changed; restaurant dates are replaced by exchanging Instagram handles. Now as singles in society its not if you’re online dating is which sites are you onThus, totally new rules of the dating game apply as the stigma falls away. So lets dive in.

  1.  Be sincere in your profile. You’ll meet in person at some point and you don’t want to show up and shock your partner. This is when ” Oh shoot , I have a thing at a place. I’m so sorry I forgot I’ve really gotta go.”  happens.
  2. Don’t try to break the rules on dating sites wither; they’re there for a reason . Whether that’s preventing catfish, spammers, solicitation or simply so users aren’t getting #dicpics every other message .
  3. Pick some people you want to talk to, but not too many. Trust your instincts, since it is pretty hard to make a total impression of a person you don’t see IRL. If you have some doubts, stop and find other profiles. There’s a Fling for all!
  4. The  online environment isn’t always safe; sometimes people leak through the system. Initial dates or meet ups shouldn’t be at at his/her house or in other obscure places. Safety first kids. Choose a bowling alley over a back alley (obvi).
  5. Be upfront : It is important to let people know what you want, whether its having a casual fling online, a more serious relationship, or even when you don’t really know what you want
  6. Respect your principles and you will avoid problems. Don’t like working out? Don’t talk to a gym rat. Don’t like to party ? Don’t try to date a club promoter. You’ll both be miserable ( see my post Just Be Yourself if you’re having trouble with this)
  7. When going on the actual date, make sure you look nice. After talking online you will both be even more nervous and insecure about the situation. When you know you look good you’re going to come across more confident. Its better to show up looking better then expected then worse… how awkward.
  8. Men, more than women, are visual. Based on that, they establish their attraction in the first few seconds of seeing you. You might be tempted to post an older picture of yourself, when you were thinner and prettier, but this is wrong. Women will give it a bit more time by evaluating a mans style, posture, and confidence levels as well. So men- make sure your well dressed.
  9. Profile Pics: Women and Men differ in what they want to see on your profile pics.  Clear photos that reveal your whole body are ideal for men they want face shot and body shot, otherwise people might think you are hiding something.  Women like to make a lifestyle assessment through photos. Men do best with pics of them doing something , with their cars, at events and with groups of friends. ** do not make your main profile pic a photo with multiple people its confusing as to who you are and people want to make a quick assessment** I can’t count the number of times I come across profiles where a guy has no pics of just him and you cant tell which one he is. In this situation we automatically assume you are the ugly one. This goes for girls too. Photos of touristic attractions, animals and kids have no place on dating sites thats why your have a Facebook, IG, Twitter etc. If you aren’t in it, it shouldn’t be in your profile.
  10. Your nickname says a lot, so pick a good one… sexibunnie69 tells quite a story in 0.2 seconds.
  11. Do not write novels about yourself. Ever heard of KISS? Keep it simple, stupid.   Keep information simple and funny. Do not write ‘I’m like this and like that’, but things that make people draw that conclusion. Make your hobby section attractive. ‘Doing flower arrangements’ will be uninteresting for men a better word is “crafts” or “home decor projects” , likewise ‘drinking beer’ will be repulsing for girls who like a guy with any sort of life ambition. You might as well have written “make me a sandwich”  and “please wash the pizza stains from my sweatpants”  It is better to think of activities you would like to do with a new partner.
  12. Be prompt online. We’re in an age of instant gratification and availability. If someone writes to you, write back and don’t wait for days to respond. If that’s a problem for you download the site’s app. If it doesn’t have an app you should probably pick a better site.  Unless you decide to act, that person will find someone else its as easy as clicking search my zip code ,  see next message, double tapping, or swiping right.
  13. You don’t have to be available all the time though. Keep your independence and stay busy. Messaging every 5 minutes is great in the first hour but after that wheres the challenge and courtship?
  14. Don’t use too many emoticons in your messages , unless you’re the modern Jackson Polluck of emoji abstract expressionism . Seriously, ” sup sxy how r u doin? wuz good tn?xoxo ;);):)”? Did you really think that was going to go well…
  15. All in all, profit from the advantages of online dating. If a face-to-face conversation isn’t really chillin in your comfort zone online flirting allows you to analyze your messages before sending. As a control freak, and writer, I compulsively screen incoming calls only to hit people up 10 mins later with a text that says ” Hey sorry I missed your call, was in a meeting whats up?” Full Disclosure Moment: my “meeting” was with Piper Chapman…  Ben, Jerry, and Yoga Pants were there too. 
  16. Don’t say something that is misinterpreted, unless you’re Rico Suave of innuendo, and take all nuances into account. Because you have more time to formulate answers, the chances of creating a powerful bond increase.
  17. Punctuation is key. Here’s  an example gone wrong from real life experience.

Jill: ” Oh I didn’t know you were still on the dating scene”

Jack:”Im not just seeing you.”

is a LOT different than


Jill: ” Oh I didn’t know you were still on the dating scene”

Jack: “Im not. Just seeing you”

17. I think this also falls under Don’t Have Important Conversations Via SMS.


Its something to sink your teeth into so chew on it and leave your own tips in the comments or by tweeting me @jessicakohlfit.